


I did it for love

by lacepirate



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, here have some angsty oikawa, i was bored at school, idek, tw:self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 12:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3447029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacepirate/pseuds/lacepirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa is a lot less perfect than everyone seems to think.<br/>-<br/>angsty iwaoi because I was bored. *tw:self harm*</p>
            </blockquote>





	I did it for love

**Author's Note:**

> kay so, basically I did this instead of my school work. Oops, sorry not sorry. 
> 
> thank you soo much to my lovely betaer : http://rinrinsamurai.tumblr.com/
> 
> *tw: self harm*

“Iwa-chaaaaan~ Can you do my homework for me?”

 

“No.”

 

“But-“

 

“No.”

 

“Iwa-chan, you’re so mean.”

 

Oikawa sighed before sticking his tongue at the spiker, a dramatic big-lipped pout on his face and – once again – slammed his head onto the desk in front of him, crumpling the papers underneath his forehead.

 

“Don’t do that, dumbass, you’re going to give yourself a concussion.”

 

“Like you care, Iwa-chan, you’re so mean.”

 

“I do care, dumbass, that’s why I’m saying it. If you get a concussion you wouldn’t be able to play and the coach and your stupid fans would never let me live it down.”

 

Oikawa paused.

 

“You know, if I get kicked out of the club for bad grades it’s going to be your fault and everybody will blame you.”

 

Iwaizumi charged at Oikawa from across the room; it ended in a mess of fake apologies from one very bruised and sore Oikawa.

 

-

 

Despite what everyone has seen, Oikawa is not a people person. Nor is he the happy-go-lucky positive soul that everybody wishes him to be; even Iwaizumi has fallen for his act. That’s what hurts Oikawa the most. They’ve been friends for damn near their entire lives and he feels like Iwa-chan doesn’t know him enough to know that something is wrong. But then again, he barely knows that something is wrong because Oikawa doesn’t even know himself anymore. He’s been hiding behind this mask for so fucking long. 

 

It hurts. It really, really hurts and that’s all he seems to know anymore.

 

Those losses hurt. Especially when they’re being beaten by that stupid asshole Kageyama. Nearly three years younger than him and three years less blood, sweat and goddamn tears than Oikawa has put into the one thing (besides Iwa-chan) that has ever managed to make him happy and forget the terrible fucking world outside. Now this stupid first year has to come around and tear it all down, brick by agonizing brick.

 

He leaned forward against the shower wall, salty tears mixing with the water running over his head.

 

The days always ended like this. Crying in the shower until the water went cold, with nobody in the house to hear his desperate screams.

 

His house was gorgeous, he had everything he could ever want and it was all thanks to his parents’ jobs. But also thanks to his parents’ jobs, he could barely remember their faces or remember what having their arms wrapped around him felt like anymore.

 

-

 

Oikawa shuffled his way to school the next morning, shoes scuffing against the hard surface of the sidewalk. He was unusually sad today and the mask was getting harder and harder to keep up.

 

“Hey Oikawa, I- what’s wrong? You look like your dog just died or something.”

 

“Iwa-chan, I don’t have a dog.”

 

“It’s an expression, dumbass.”

 

“Nothing, Iwa-chan. I’m fine.”

 

As if it would convince him, Oikawa faked his biggest smile, his pearly white teeth dramatically glimmering in the sun.

 

Iwaizumi shrugged and pretended not to notice.

 

He was awfully off-key lately. He was missing receives, messing up his aim with his serves – come to think of it, his Oikawa wasn’t really eating anything either. Iwaizumi made a mental note to ask him about it later.

 

-

 

He slid his sweaty t-shirt off of his body and quickly reached for the clean one folded neatly in his bag. It was just him and Iwaizumi left. They stayed late after practice to make sure things were put away properly – it was the captains’ and vice-captains’ job really.

 

Oikawa reached for the fresh shirt folded in his bag. In the process his already short shorts slipped off his hip just enough to expose a miniscule expanse of angry red lines placed strategically on top of his hip bones.

 

“Oikawa, what’s that?”

 

Iwaizumi pointed to his hip.

 

“Hm?”

 

The setter looked down at himself and mentally cursed for letting it slip his mind, his eyes widened only slightly, unnoticeable to Iwaizumi standing beside him. He quietly evened his breaths in and out, making his chest rise and fall at an even pace.

 

“I tried to help a cat the other day, the poor thing was stuck in a ditch and he tried to attack me so I gave him some food after getting him out and left.”

 

His movements were rhythmic, practiced as he forced his hands to stop shaking with anger and instead slip the clean shirt over his head.

 

“On your hip?”

 

“Yeah, I was reaching for him and my shirt slid up. The cat wasn’t very nice, Iwa-chan.”

 

“…I can imagine.”

 

Oikawa smiled and parted ways with Iwaizumi. Once he was out of Oikawa’s line of sight, he turned on his heels and sprinted home, sneakers pounding against the sidewalk. 

 

He slammed the door behind him, quaking the frame around it. He leapt up the stairs two at a time and eagerly rushed in to his room, taking quick steps to close the space between him and he bed before he fell to the ground with a light thud.

 

Oikawa reached behind him, slipping his hand under the heavy mattress before clasping his fingers over the rectanglar tin box hidden beneath.

 

Iwaizumi pounded at the front door letting his fist damn near burrow in to the wood. He had to be upset about something; he never slams doors.

 

Iwaizumi reached for the handle, feeling the cool metal under his fingers and tried to twist the knob, but it wasn’t going anywhere. He calmly made his way around the back of Oikawa’s house, knowing he always kept a window open for ventilation so his house didn’t end up smelling like his sweaty volleyball equipment.

 

“Oikawa, what the fuck, why won’t you answer the door?!”

 

He made his way up the familiar hallway, wooden floors creaking beneath the shoes he chose not to remove and was about to slide open the grand door and yell at the setter when it swung open from underneath his palm. Iwaizumi froze on the spot.

 

“Sorry, Iwa-chan, I didn’t hear you.”

 

His eyes ran up and down his body, surveying for damage.

 

“Oikawa, you’re inside. Why are you wearing your wristband?”

 

Iwaizumi reached for Oikawa’s wrist but the latter pulled away quickly. Iwaizumi quickly deducted in his head. Maybe he was being abused? He never pulls away from him, quite the opposite actually; he can never seem to get his body to stop from draping over his own.

 

Much to the protest of the setter, Iwaizumi locked Oikawa’s arm under his own and yanked the flexible fabric away from his wrist. Iwaizumi’s blood ran cold in his veins and his breath stopped short of his lungs.

 

Underneath the dampened cloth, lay three equal horizontal lines, all beaded with blood.

 

Oikawa dropped to his knees behind him, a sob erupting in his chest.

 

“Tooru…”

 

Oikawa’s sobs filled the room. 

 

Iwaizumi dropped to his knees beside the boy, taking him into his arms and cradling him like a newborn child.

 

“Oikawa, why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you, I didn’t know you were in that much pain; you can always, _always_ come to me! You know that! I’ve helped you through everything and seen you in every state possible through the years, you’re so much better than this, Tooru.” Iwaizumi’s shoulders shook with his own silent sobs and he tasted salty tears tickling at the edges of his lips.

 

Oikawa could do nothing but continue to sob into his best friend’s shirt, staining the material. He repeatedly apologized under his breath. Oikawa’s knuckles were white from gripping Iwaizumi’s hand so hard, as if he could expel all of his bad thoughts and actions with a mere squeeze of his hand.

 

He expected Iwaizumi to get mad or yell at him, but he didn’t. Not once. No, this wasn’t a regular day between them, and they probably won’t have another one for a long time; but right now, Iwaizumi was holding him and he’s never felt more like himself.

 

-

 

“I want to, but I don’t. If I take it, I’m weak; if I don’t, I’ll break down and I’ll still be weak.”

 

“No you’re not dumbass, how many times do I have to say it? You’re not weak, you’re literally the strongest person I know. You’ve done this for two years on your own, it’s okay to ask for help, Tooru.”

 

Oikawa fiddled with the white bandages around his wrist, courtesy of Iwa-chan.

 

They were both seated in the squeaky leather chairs in the doctor’s office, waiting for the grumpy looking secretary to call the teen’s name.

 

“Tooru, stop.”

 

Iwaizumi took to calling him by his first name as soon as he found out. Because he wasn’t just Oikawa. He was Tooru and he loved every single inch of the dummy sitting beside him whether he admitted it or not. 

 

Hajime laced their fingers together and immediately Oikawa stopped moving his fingers against the cotton bandaging.

 

A commotion could be heard from the front desk. Both of the third-years swung their heads up and peeked around the corner to see what was going on.

 

“Kageyama-kun, I don’t need to see the doctor, I’m perfectly fine!”

 

As if to prove his point, Hinata coughed heavily into his elbow and Kageyama cringed.

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have licked the pole trying to get your tongue stuck to it, dumbass.”

 

Oikawa’s heart dropped through the floor. He hastily untangled Iwaizumi’s hand from his and dashed to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

 

A faint knock was heard before Tooru could even have time to slide down the back of it in frustration.

 

Why did he have to be here, of all times and all places in the entire universe, why here?

 

“It’s me, open the door.”

 

He stood and clicked the door open, taking a step back.

 

“Why are they here? Why do they _have_ to be here _now?!_ ”

 

Oikawa started to pace throughout the already too-small room and absentmindedly began to claw at his arms in frustration.

 

Hajime stepped forward and took Oikawa’s arms away from him, wrapping them around his back.

 

“Just relax, _if_ they see us, we’ll just tell them you’re here to get a check up on your knee again, okay?”

 

He sighed in to Iwaizumi’s chest.

 

“You have an answer for everything Iwa-chan.”

 

“I know.”

 

He kissed the top of his head lightly, taking in the fresh smell of his strategically placed locks.

 

“Here, if it’s that bad, take this.”

 

Hajime took the black beanie off of his head and placed it on Oikawa.

 

“You never wear hats or beanies or anything, they won’t even notice.”

 

A faint female voice could be heard from the other side of the washroom door.

 

“Sorry to interrupt you, but I’m looking for Tooru?”

 

Iwaizumi unlocked the door and pushed Oikawa in front of him, gesturing for him to follow the nurse.

 

Even though Oikawa was taller than him, Iwaizumi still shielded Oikawa’s body with his own protectively.

 

-

 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi shuffled as quickly as they could through the waiting room, hoping to go unnoticed by the first-years causing a ruckus.

 

“Oikawa-san!”

 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Hinata bounced on the balls of his feet eagerly. Oikawa cringed at the sound of his stuffed-up voice.

 

“Shrimpy-kun, you shouldn’t move like that when you’re sick, you should rest. How else are you going to play volleyball?”

 

Oikawa made his best effort to put a smug expression on his face. Iwaizumi seemed to be doing better at it than he was. Oikawa glanced behind him and silently applauded Iwaizumi for the bored look plastered on his face.

 

Hinata visibly deflated at the thought of losing his spot due to his illness.

 

Oikawa faked a shit-eating grin directed at Tobio and was forcibly pushed out of the door by Iwa-chan.

 

They pretended to argue for the sake of the younger players, their voices muffled by a thick layer of glass.

 

-

 

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can tell the coach that your knee is all fucked again if you want – but then you’ll get an earful.”

 

Oikawa shook his head.

 

“No Iwa-chan, I’ll be fine, it’s just one game.”

 

For the first time in his life, Oikawa was nervous about a game of volleyball. And against Karasuno too. He should be laughing at them right now, but he wasn’t. His hands were shaking and he was visibly restraining himself from tugging at his skin – not that anybody else could tell but Iwa-chan.

 

The team had noticed something had changed. The very second Iwaizumi stood up at practice the next morning to make announcements; they knew something had happened to their captain. They didn’t know what, but they knew it must have been big for Iwaizumi-san to not swear at him every two seconds. 

 

Hajime kneeled next to his best friend seated on the bench.

 

“It’s okay to say you don’t want to, Tooru, nobody will blame you.”

 

“No, Iwa-chan, it’s fine, I’ll be fine. It’s only one game.”

 

Oikawa smiled lightly at him.

 

-

 

He could feel it coming, the dread and anxiety creeping up his spine. He found it hard to catch his breath and all eyes were now trained on him. It was his turn to serve. His turn to score points for his team and win the set. But that wasn’t all. Everyone was expecting him to be perfect; the perfect serve with the perfect expression and end with the perfect score and be perfect with other people and have a perfect life. It was all up to him.

 

He raised the ball up with his left hand slowly and chucked it into the air. Three steps and he jumped, but the ball wavered when it hit his hand and he physically choked. The ball hit the other side of the court with a light thud and everybody should be looking the ball bouncing on the wooden slats but they weren’t. They were looking at him.

 

A sob escaped his chest and he fell to the floor on his hands and knees. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see. Nothing made sense in his head. The only thing he could hear were the muffled sounds of someone talking above him; it almost sounded like he was underwater.

 

His breath came and went but never entered his lungs. He realized now that he was hyperventilating but he couldn’t control it. Much like everything else in his life.

 

Everyone went rushing to his side as soon as he fell, but Iwaizumi was there to catch him. He saw his eyes quickly dart to the other side of the net and Iwaizumi caught Kageyama looking and his senpai with a worry filled expression and he had to keep himself from snorting. As if he hadn’t realized his natural talent some people would literally kill for. He tried to get him to focus, but Oikawa wasn’t looking at him, he was looking straight through him; all he saw was everything that was wrong with him and all the mistakes he's ever made.

 

Hajime yelled to the coach.

 

“Call an ambulance! His lips are blue, he can’t breathe!”

 

Everyone scrambled and followed their vice-captain’s voice.

 

His vision started to fade, black wisps curling around the edge of his sight. He vaguely felt someone lifting his body, but he wasn’t paying attention. He wrecked it. He wrecked the game. Everything he touched fell apart in his hands.

 

The paramedics were quick to arrive, hauling Oikawa’s body up to the stretcher.

 

They directed their questions at Iwaizumi.

 

“Is he on any medications?”

 

They continued to slip an oxygen mask over his face as they spoke.

 

“Yes, he just started an anti-depressant a week ago, it- I think it started with a P, prosin? Pro-“

 

“Prozac?”

 

“Yes, that one.”

 

“Did he consume alcohol or take any drugs within the last twenty-four hours?”

 

“No, he doesn’t do drugs and the last time he had a drink was three weeks ago.”

 

With no more questions, they made quick work of taking him to the hospital; they let Iwaizumi ride beside him, holding his hand as the sirens blared.

 

-

 

Oikawa was sore all over. No amount of practice could ever compare to this kind of sore.

 

He groaned and went to roll over in his bed.

 

When did he get in bed?

 

He opened his eyes and realized he was hooked up to a few machines, still in his uniform, half of it covered by the ugly coloured blanket draped over his legs.

 

“Hajime?”

 

He spoke but his voice was rough, it sounded like he had been smoking for twenty years.

 

“Tooru.”

 

Iwaizumi breathed out a sigh of relief and rushed over from where he was pacing, still in his court shoes.

 

“I’m sorry Iwa-chan, I wrecked the game.”

 

Iwaizumi forced a laugh.

 

“That’s the first thing to come to your mind? Nobody cares about the game, Tooru, especially not right now; we’ve won a million more.”

 

“No, it’s different, this one was against Karasuno and-“

 

“No, it’s okay Tooru. Nobody blames you. They all said it was okay; and as much as I tried to protest they said that they wanted to come by your house later to see if you were alright, and a few from the team are on their way right now.”

 

Oikawa felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He did this. Everyone was concerned for him when they should have just stayed and finished the game. They would have been better off without him anyway.

 

Iwaizumi noticed the change.

 

“No, no, Tooru, they’re coming because they care about you, we all do you idiot. We can schedule a rematch any other time, right not everyone just wants to make sure that you’re okay.”

 

Tooru felt Iwaizumi interlace their fingers.

 

Iwaizumi stopped, staring directly in to Oikawa’s eyes, looking for any sign of hesitation before he leaned in closer to his best friend’s body, locking their lips together in a clumsy kiss. Teeth bumped and noses were in the way, but after a moment, they both giggled and continued anyway. Technique was a thing for another day.

 

“I love you, assikawa.”

 

Oikawa opened his eyes, filling his mind with thoughts of Iwaizumi.

 

“I love you too, Iwa-chan.”

 

Maybe he wasn’t entirely sure on who he was at the moment, but he knew felt at home when he was with Iwaizumi.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading my lovelies  
> comments & kudos are immensely appreciated!  
> thank you so much for reading!


End file.
